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My buddy’s company had something happen last month. A new guy came in—had been shut up for half a year, like a mute.
At noon, he took a call; his face went chalk-white—his mom had a brain hemorrhage, and he’d been at the ICU fighting for her life.
He went to ask his supervisor for leave. The supervisor was tapping at the keyboard, not even looking up: “Come back when your mom dies to ask for leave.”
That guy didn’t say a word. His mouth corners drooped; his eyes narrowed.
He turned around, grabbed that potted Clivia on the supervisor’s desk with both hands—soil and roots, all of it—the

At two in the morning, my buddy A-Qiang sent a voice message, his voice trembling: "I almost destroyed the house just now."
He came back early from a business trip, the house was dark, and his wife was not there. He sat on the sofa, smoked five cigarettes, then called his wife's four best friends one by one.
The first said: "She's at my place, just finished her shower and went to bed."
The second said: "She worked overtime today and is still at the company."
The third said: "Isn't she with you? She even said she wanted to surprise you this afternoon."
The fourth said: "You dialed the

Last month, I went on a blind date. The other person was a nurse—looking neat and clean, speaking softly and gently.
The first time we met, she took out a medical examination report and said, “This is mine. What about yours?”
At that moment, I felt a warm feeling in my heart, thinking this girl was dependable—not after money, not after a house, just for health.
The next day, I went and got a full physical exam, costing more than a thousand. When the report came out, all the indicators were normal—there wasn’t even fatty liver.
After she finished reading the report, she nodded and said,

Last month, my middle school dropout niece did something that I still can't get over to this day.
She took 1,200 yuan, sat on a hard-seat train from our hometown, and went to Xinjiang.
She traveled for 16 days, visited Kanas and Sayram Lake, and even had a big plate of chicken.
When she returned, she still had 300 yuan in her pocket.
I asked her how she managed it. She said, "I met a sister who was driving, and I crashed her meals for eight days, and slept in a tent for two nights."
I was just marveling at how lucky she was, and she added, "Oh, that sister also introduced me to a job

Last night, I was drinking with a lawyer friend, and he told me a case that almost made me spit out my drink.
A woman reported that she was beaten by her husband, with a broken rib, and stayed in the hospital for a week.
The man was detained for ten days.
The woman demanded 400k yuan plus a car, or she would sue and have him sentenced.
The man's family was originally planning to pay, but then heard that the man might be fired from his job because of this—an iron rice bowl, earning over 20,000 yuan a month.
In an instant, the in-laws changed their attitude: "We'll pay the medical bill

Just past two in the morning, outside the 7-11 at the corner, a guy in a plaid shirt was squatting on the steps, shouting into his phone: "I told you, that thirty thousand is my mom's chemotherapy money. You must pay me back tomorrow."
He was hung up on. He called again, but was blocked.
He stared at the screen for a few seconds, then stood up and slammed his phone hard into the trash can across from him—missed, and the screen shattered everywhere.
He bent down, picked it up, wiped it with his sleeve, sat back on the steps, and sent a message to that person: "It's okay, I'm not in a hurr

My best friend got pregnant by a makeup artist at a funeral home, and the whole family was crying.
Her mother immediately wanted to take her for an abortion, and relatives scolded her for being shameful.
Then the next day, the man showed up in five black Mercedes, and the lead car was even a hearse—its trunk open, neatly stacked with 660k yuan in cash.
Her father was stunned. The man took off his sunglasses and said, "Uncle, I know my profession is unlucky, but my family has been in the funeral business for twenty-three years, and the county's three street-long funeral clothing shops are all o

Don't go provoking that female boss who is divorced and has kids.
Last month at the gym, I shamelessly flirted with a sister who practices boxing, dressed in tight clothes, with abs more defined than mine. I just wanted to tease her, add a little fun.
As a result, the next day, she directly "invited" me out of my rented place and moved me into her empty guest room. She said, "Your crappy house has poor soundproofing, it affects my sleep."
Then my life changed: breakfast was made for me, shirts were ironed, even my parents' social security in my hometown could be arranged through her conn

"Sorry, we can't make the 9-inch cake you ordered. Would two 5-inch ones be okay?"
My friend immediately took out his phone and opened the calculator: "The area of a 9-inch cake is about 63.6 square inches, and two 5-inch cakes only add up to 39.3, which is nearly 40% less!"
The waiter was stunned: "Let me ask the manager..."
The manager came over, smiling awkwardly: "How about three 5-inch cakes?"
My friend calculated again: "Three only come to 59, still not enough."
The manager wiped his sweat: "Then four! Four should be enough, right?"
My friend shook his head: "Four is 78.5, that's too muc

Yesterday at the coffee shop, I overheard two girls chatting, their voices quite loud.
One said: I don't want to work a part-time job anymore, I want to open a clothing store, but I don't have startup capital.
The other said: So how are you going to get the money?
The first one smiled: First, get into a relationship, then get married, and ask for a dowry of thirty thousand yuan. That way, the capital is covered, right?
The second one asked: What if the store fails and loses money?
The first replied: Then just ask my husband for it again. If he doesn't give it, I'll leave him. Anyway,

The company sent me to Africa for mining for three months. When I returned, I found my workstation gone, and even my OA account was deactivated👇.
At the beginning of the year, the company mentioned a "gold-plating project" and sent me to Nigeria to oversee the mine.
Everyone else refused, but I foolishly raised my hand: I'll go!
Three months without signal, eating cassava with Uncle Black every day.
Finally, when the contract ended, the first thing I did after returning to China was to clock in at the company.
Downstairs, I found the door locked, with a "For Rent" sign on the glass.
I was stu

That watch has such great style.

My roommate, a recent graduate, plays video games until 3 a.m. every day.
He’s late for work, gets scolded by his boss, and comes back to complain to me.
I always say, “It’s okay, youth is for playing. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
He’s so touched he says I’m the best roommate he’s ever had.
He doesn’t know I’ve long wanted him to get fired.
He thinks I understand him, but actually I just don’t want to bother.
He’s not a relative, not a friend, just someone sharing the rent.
The more useless he is, the easier I sleep.
He stays up all night playing games, and I never knock on

Good luck with your test tomorrow!

Today in the elevator, it was just me and a big brother.
Suddenly, he farted. The sound wasn't loud, but the smell was strong.
I held my breath and pretended nothing happened.
The big brother looked at me and said, "Sorry about that."
I said, "It's okay, I didn't smell anything."
He said, "Impossible, I could smell it myself."
I said, "I really didn't smell anything."
He asked, "Is your nose not working?"
I said, "Maybe."
He said, "Then can you help me smell it? Is my fart really that bad or not?"
I said, "Big brother, you want me to smell your fart?"
He said, "You said y

The current state of young people’s office desks:
On the left: a thermos soaked with goji berries, with vitamins, fish oil, and liver-protecting tablets lined up on the desktop.
On the right: an iced Americano, an electronic cigarette, and a packet of chili powder left over from the late-night fried chicken I stayed up for last night.
We practice the “quantum superposition health method”:
Staying up late damages the liver? No problem—chew two liver-protecting tablets, and negative times negative makes it a positive.
Does staring at the computer hurt your eyes? Change the wallpaper to green—the